Wednesday, October 04, 2006

insight, independence, and i

October seems to always creep up on matter the year. Well here it is....OCTOBER '06!

Things have been busy for me lately, but I do have to say that I have been enjoying my 'busy-ness' I feel like the longer I am immersed in nature, the more profound understandings of myself become exposed.

I tend to appreciate things more, little things...little people, and little gestures that random people do for me.

I like bugs more now (which, if you know me, is amazing news since ive been deathly scared of bugs since I was little) argiope spiders, rolypolies, damsel fly nymphs, and grasshoppers...I also am starting to finally and totally let things shed away pastwise. I really don't care, well I care, just am not as interested in holding onto things that have brought me down lately. I've accepted what has happened in my life's past, and I am here now as consequence, or more as reward.

I am coming into my own - and finally feeling more like an adult.

Found a baby snapping turtle yesterday and just stared at him/her for almost an hour trying to figure out how it felt right before I snatched him from the ghost crab that was going to eat him. It kept on being itself and didn't really care if I was holding him/her or not, just that it could crawl how it wanted.

I want to crawl...and not be afraid of doing what I want and need. I think I am there now and ready to fully apply myself in any endeavor.

I can soar like a the red tailed hawk on my arm yesterday. it bated and squeezed its talons through my glove, but looked at me in a knowing way (it's okay, im just trying to get balance) So I trusted him.

I like validation in my efforts and knowledge...and it felt really good today when my bosses gave me good feedback on my teaching...but something was different in myself, something that I just realized about myself...the fact that although the feedback keeps me striving to be better, I can do things. Do things that make me who I am.

I guess it's kinda hard to articulate what I feel, but feel I do...more passionately than I have in a while about myself....and what I want and what I have interface to create this comforting web of independence and ambition.

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