Well, this weekend rapidly is reaching an end, but at least I have a free Monday! Yesterday I went out on an adventure, today my mind went on an adventure...all fun!
Yesterday I was driving back from playing with Macho and Gumbo and right next to my dorm room, where I usually park, was a guy and his son. Usually I slow down and move totally out of the way, but as I got closer, I saw one of those recogizable faces that brings admiration and total respect. It was Abdul Ghaffar, my college mentor who ignited the fire that leads me here today. You see, Abdul is student activities director at UNC Pembroke and also advisor for Student Government, where I was fully involved. Through his leadership, I was inspired to start a service program called, Campaign for Compassion and do many other things that lead me here today! So you can imagine my excitement when I saw him with his son, Walter. It turns out that he was there for a track meet that his daughter was competing in. That's a whole different story, but his daughter is on an olympic laureate trek. She already broke a national AAU record for high jump at 10, but anyways, I went down and hung out with him and we just caught up, of course he bragged about his daughter, talked with his wife and we boomeranged effective practices in service learning and leadership! It was great, and when I thought it couldn't get any better, I met him and his wife's family friend, Tracey Williams who was so nice. Now I would be lying if I said I knew who she was at first, but didnt really know until I came back to my computer to see who she was. Such a nice lady and what a wonderful job to have, giving opportunities to women in basketball! I also met her fiance, who is also very nice and funny!
To think my weekend was going well, was an understatement...today I woke up to dogs licking me caught back up with a childhood friend and read a really good book called "The Life of Pi" by Yann Martel.
Jay, my childhood friend, was my first best friend. When I first moved to North Carolina he was the first to say hi, come over and play and to share my first childhood romance with the neighboorhood girl. It's pretty amazing, but thanks to google's search engine I found his email, emailed him this morning, then he called me mid-day! We caught up and a reunion is in the works. He lives in Oklahoma City, OK so it might a little bit, but to finally reconnect with a friend I haven't seen or heard of in a while means a lot to me. He was also the first friend to move away, and through some of the rough times when my dad fought in the first gulf war, "Desert Shield/Storm" he provided me friendship and support! But as custom with military families, he moved to Missouri and I visited once, but then he moved to Alaska, explaining why it was harder to keep in touch!
The book, "Life of Pi" is fascinating and really provides me some entertainment as well as deep thought on religion and where I stand beliefwise. It's a tale about a boy who is lucky at surviving a shipwreck, only to be stranded on a lifeboat with an orangutan, zebra, hyena, and tiger(Richard Parker)....its about survival, love, and just life. Hearfully punctuated with insight and how to live, it proves to be very worth the read!
Then my father called me, always a pleasure and the best dad anyone could ask for! He is buying me a much needed fridge for my pseudo-apartment...so now i can actually go grocery shopping!
so my weekend is not over yet! I do not know if anymore events could top these past couple of days though, but I will keep you all posted!
Calvin
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Google Jobs!
Now, I am pretty happy with my job, but in another universe, my dream job would be...
some of the listed jobs at Google!!!
I keept track of their initial public offering and it was fun to see how exploited it became with all the pundits scrambling to insert their predictions! I am sure the job opportunities are a product of the successful IPO.
I don't know why I am thinking of this, but lately I've been reading some cool magazines.
There are a few magazines for the savvy that I'd like to recommend: Fast Company and MIT's Technology Review
These two magazines always seem to have something interesting to read and I usually learn a lot of emerging ideas/issues regarding business and innovation.
So its a nice day, been hanging out with Gumbo and Macho...I think they had a fight or something yesterday because they growl at each other, at least when I am around. Gumbo is definitely a 'male' dog with his little antics. He always tries to plop in my lap and he is a fairly large dog! Macho is more reserved, sophisticated almost, but very loving!
Its a beautiful day and I really miss the beach. I know there are some cool things to do around here, but I just havent tapped into them yet...Maybe a lake will ease my beach longing.
Anyways, I'm going out to explore...Have a great day!!!
some of the listed jobs at Google!!!
I keept track of their initial public offering and it was fun to see how exploited it became with all the pundits scrambling to insert their predictions! I am sure the job opportunities are a product of the successful IPO.
I don't know why I am thinking of this, but lately I've been reading some cool magazines.
There are a few magazines for the savvy that I'd like to recommend: Fast Company and MIT's Technology Review
These two magazines always seem to have something interesting to read and I usually learn a lot of emerging ideas/issues regarding business and innovation.
So its a nice day, been hanging out with Gumbo and Macho...I think they had a fight or something yesterday because they growl at each other, at least when I am around. Gumbo is definitely a 'male' dog with his little antics. He always tries to plop in my lap and he is a fairly large dog! Macho is more reserved, sophisticated almost, but very loving!
Its a beautiful day and I really miss the beach. I know there are some cool things to do around here, but I just havent tapped into them yet...Maybe a lake will ease my beach longing.
Anyways, I'm going out to explore...Have a great day!!!
Friday, May 27, 2005
Ahhh....Weekend!
Just a quick post because I felt like writing some!
Last evening I heard in Durham, where I live, that there were 3 cross burnings! Its hard for me to stay collected when news like that comes to my attention. Why is it that people still 'hate' so much? People are people, period! To orchestrate 3 cross burnings in three different areas of Durham on the same night is quite disturbing, meaning they are organized, are pretty good at delivering messages and must have somewhat of a network. From reading a local news outlet, I found that the Mayor had no warnings to such doings...not that he would be forewarned, but that I guess when there is a sect, uprising, group doing activities, he probably is informed, especially when it could be a detriment to the livelyhood of his city. So this is even more disturbing...that no one really knew there was a group operating in this area. What to do? Where is compassion to them?
In techie news, today our office recieved the computers that I ordered and I am quite excited except that the one I ordered for web/database development was failed to be put on the purchase order...so everyone gets a new computer except me. The IRONY!!! I think its kinda funny in that that computer, the one for development, was explicitly requested! Challenges at every corner, so I just have to make what I have work I suppose! At least the office now has computers that are all current and have the software/hardware to function. I went with Dell because they seem to have good deals and are super easy to put together and open up. I know in the future, when my VISTA term ends, someone will have to work on them. So I will be playing with them here shortly! Yippee, fun!!
Also a friend of mine, Lanya Shapiro, is doing some organizing in El Salvador so I am watching her doggies, Macho and Gumbo! I am looking forward to it because I'm a pretty big animal lover and I havent really had contact with any animals lately so the company will be fun! Just the other day, in Black Mountain, I was walking around and saw a chipmunk. Those little guys are soooo cool. Its like when they spread out, they become little squares....and not to imply cruelty,but they would look cool as little carpets....they are the kind of animal you could hug....with their cuteness!
Anyways, on to playing with these computers!
Calvin
Last evening I heard in Durham, where I live, that there were 3 cross burnings! Its hard for me to stay collected when news like that comes to my attention. Why is it that people still 'hate' so much? People are people, period! To orchestrate 3 cross burnings in three different areas of Durham on the same night is quite disturbing, meaning they are organized, are pretty good at delivering messages and must have somewhat of a network. From reading a local news outlet, I found that the Mayor had no warnings to such doings...not that he would be forewarned, but that I guess when there is a sect, uprising, group doing activities, he probably is informed, especially when it could be a detriment to the livelyhood of his city. So this is even more disturbing...that no one really knew there was a group operating in this area. What to do? Where is compassion to them?
In techie news, today our office recieved the computers that I ordered and I am quite excited except that the one I ordered for web/database development was failed to be put on the purchase order...so everyone gets a new computer except me. The IRONY!!! I think its kinda funny in that that computer, the one for development, was explicitly requested! Challenges at every corner, so I just have to make what I have work I suppose! At least the office now has computers that are all current and have the software/hardware to function. I went with Dell because they seem to have good deals and are super easy to put together and open up. I know in the future, when my VISTA term ends, someone will have to work on them. So I will be playing with them here shortly! Yippee, fun!!
Also a friend of mine, Lanya Shapiro, is doing some organizing in El Salvador so I am watching her doggies, Macho and Gumbo! I am looking forward to it because I'm a pretty big animal lover and I havent really had contact with any animals lately so the company will be fun! Just the other day, in Black Mountain, I was walking around and saw a chipmunk. Those little guys are soooo cool. Its like when they spread out, they become little squares....and not to imply cruelty,but they would look cool as little carpets....they are the kind of animal you could hug....with their cuteness!
Anyways, on to playing with these computers!
Calvin
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Self Deprication and the Power of Humility...an introspection
Well, this is going to be a pretty visceral entry of self reflection...
These past couple of weeks have zipped by with conferences, meetings, and just hard planning/work...I am happy with myself for the work I have been doing lately...but this past Monday was a really big wake up call for me and why I am here.
You see, I have many meetings, pretty much almost weekly, and they always have content, meaning and I listen, offer my thoughts, write down things, and feel really good that things are rolling and being accomplished. This entry is dedicated solely to an epiphany that occurred at a meeting where I simply had no idea the depth and importance of helping others. All it took was a guy whom I didnt know to get angry at me and basically shatter my ego into an oblivion.
His name is Gerald Taylor, an Industrial Areas Foundation leader and southeast supervisor of affiliates, namely Durham CAN (Congregations, Assemblies, and Neighborhoods).
To hopefully give some background, I was coming in on a trip from home, a three hour drive (Monday morning) to work because we had to leave for the community service/service learning directors conference, but Mrs Anderson had a meeting....at 11am...to which I had no knowledge...because I thought we were supposed to be leaving at 1030 to arrive on time...so while I was getting ready I got called into the meeting. With Durham CAN organizer, Chirs Bishop, and Gerald Taylor concerning a strategic planning of student leadership/skills training via ACSLP, well, not being sure my role, I intently listened, was asked my credentials by Gerald Taylor, then listened more. Not knowingly trying to belittle what Mr. Taylor was saying, I offered up some thoughts, as I usually do, regarding a different approach. Instead of critical thinking skills, which is what he wanted to dissolve into the training, I offered a new and really interesting leadership management type theory on 'opportunity thinking'...or otherwise intellectual optimism...basically an approach that focuses positivity instead of examining on 'problems'...on intellectual optimism you would search for benefits of a situation like what went right when you had a problem and you try to strengthen that; whereas in critical thinking you focus on what went wrong.
That was the wrong thing to say, at least I thought at the time, but in retrospect, I am glad I did because of my growth.
Gerald Taylor did not like what I said...and went on to say (paraphrase) that he was not teaching little games, these are real issues that are happening in our communities, people are dying....and pointed out to me that what I was saying was pretty silly and not appropriate....
Well, at the time, I felt smaller than an up-quark, muon, gluon, boson....you name it! Because I merely was trying to offer up my thoughts in a 'brain-storming' type of way, but it came off like I was criticizing what he was saying. The fact that I was playing games, jovially discussing this training as a means to test out a theory of leadership thinking.....really hit me hard....which led me to questions..
Do I just read theories and think I can just randomly push them through to people?
Am I looking for prestige by 'knowing' something obscure?
Do I really think I 'know-it-all'?
Who am I to think that I can offere up a better solution that this man, Gerald Taylor, who is a national leader for social justice and change?
Where do I fall in the 'making-a-difference-meter"?
Why do I care where I 'rank' in the making a difference meter?
Do I always talk and not 'act'?
Why did it hurt my feelings so bad?
I still have a knot in my stomach because of that encounter. I know I realize that people die everyday, bad things happen, and that i am strongly moved to do something about it, but why did I feel so inadequate in that moment when he responded to my suggestion? I have been criticized before, for good reason, and my suggestion was not ego-driven, but sincerely given for aid and contribution as I thought this particular suggestion about intellectual optimism.
I guess I am still reaching for that reality of understanding, but his comment has jolted me back into examining the reasons for me being where I am today.....I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.....because...many things, my life experiences mostly though.
My summations lead me to the importance of constant humility...otherwise you start getting clouded and do start to sympathize instead of empathize. You lose feeling, but just see. People become object instead of subject.
I also just want to ask if you read this post, have you ever been in this 'knotted' place before? If so, how did it affect you? What keeps you grounded?
To anyone who reads this, thanks for listening...writing it out has helped me think about it.
Calvin
These past couple of weeks have zipped by with conferences, meetings, and just hard planning/work...I am happy with myself for the work I have been doing lately...but this past Monday was a really big wake up call for me and why I am here.
You see, I have many meetings, pretty much almost weekly, and they always have content, meaning and I listen, offer my thoughts, write down things, and feel really good that things are rolling and being accomplished. This entry is dedicated solely to an epiphany that occurred at a meeting where I simply had no idea the depth and importance of helping others. All it took was a guy whom I didnt know to get angry at me and basically shatter my ego into an oblivion.
His name is Gerald Taylor, an Industrial Areas Foundation leader and southeast supervisor of affiliates, namely Durham CAN (Congregations, Assemblies, and Neighborhoods).
To hopefully give some background, I was coming in on a trip from home, a three hour drive (Monday morning) to work because we had to leave for the community service/service learning directors conference, but Mrs Anderson had a meeting....at 11am...to which I had no knowledge...because I thought we were supposed to be leaving at 1030 to arrive on time...so while I was getting ready I got called into the meeting. With Durham CAN organizer, Chirs Bishop, and Gerald Taylor concerning a strategic planning of student leadership/skills training via ACSLP, well, not being sure my role, I intently listened, was asked my credentials by Gerald Taylor, then listened more. Not knowingly trying to belittle what Mr. Taylor was saying, I offered up some thoughts, as I usually do, regarding a different approach. Instead of critical thinking skills, which is what he wanted to dissolve into the training, I offered a new and really interesting leadership management type theory on 'opportunity thinking'...or otherwise intellectual optimism...basically an approach that focuses positivity instead of examining on 'problems'...on intellectual optimism you would search for benefits of a situation like what went right when you had a problem and you try to strengthen that; whereas in critical thinking you focus on what went wrong.
That was the wrong thing to say, at least I thought at the time, but in retrospect, I am glad I did because of my growth.
Gerald Taylor did not like what I said...and went on to say (paraphrase) that he was not teaching little games, these are real issues that are happening in our communities, people are dying....and pointed out to me that what I was saying was pretty silly and not appropriate....
Well, at the time, I felt smaller than an up-quark, muon, gluon, boson....you name it! Because I merely was trying to offer up my thoughts in a 'brain-storming' type of way, but it came off like I was criticizing what he was saying. The fact that I was playing games, jovially discussing this training as a means to test out a theory of leadership thinking.....really hit me hard....which led me to questions..
Do I just read theories and think I can just randomly push them through to people?
Am I looking for prestige by 'knowing' something obscure?
Do I really think I 'know-it-all'?
Who am I to think that I can offere up a better solution that this man, Gerald Taylor, who is a national leader for social justice and change?
Where do I fall in the 'making-a-difference-meter"?
Why do I care where I 'rank' in the making a difference meter?
Do I always talk and not 'act'?
Why did it hurt my feelings so bad?
I still have a knot in my stomach because of that encounter. I know I realize that people die everyday, bad things happen, and that i am strongly moved to do something about it, but why did I feel so inadequate in that moment when he responded to my suggestion? I have been criticized before, for good reason, and my suggestion was not ego-driven, but sincerely given for aid and contribution as I thought this particular suggestion about intellectual optimism.
I guess I am still reaching for that reality of understanding, but his comment has jolted me back into examining the reasons for me being where I am today.....I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.....because...many things, my life experiences mostly though.
My summations lead me to the importance of constant humility...otherwise you start getting clouded and do start to sympathize instead of empathize. You lose feeling, but just see. People become object instead of subject.
I also just want to ask if you read this post, have you ever been in this 'knotted' place before? If so, how did it affect you? What keeps you grounded?
To anyone who reads this, thanks for listening...writing it out has helped me think about it.
Calvin
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Community Service/Service Learnin Director's Conference
Ahh, more fun, more conferences!
I guess that is what summers are for? I am not going to complain. These past 3 days have been really awesome in both networking and presentations at the the conference.
I was there with my supervisor, Mrs. Anderson and we presented on Evaluating Service Learning which went really well and I mainly covered the data management dealing with the database design, our current implementation and my dream implementation, but also the problems that follow along with that. I also spoke on information retrieval and the types of information to gather for service learning impact research. I am by no means an expert in that area, but I am packed with ideas and have done a few things related!
I also learned some cool stuff happening at different schools: NC State has some really cool training that focuses on 'Servant Leadership' which was accompanied by a good video called, "Mama D"...Duke University's Kenan Institute for Ethics has a neat research service-learning class that has 3 stages, mainly 1>gateway course 2>focus/research3>capstone/poster
There were many other great institutions represented, including UNC Greensboro, ECU, Elon(of course), UNC Chapel Hill, Mars Hill, Winston Salem State, Central Piedmont Community College, Guilford College, Meredith, Peace...ahh..the list goes on, but its invigorating to know all of these schoools (via Campus Compact) are staying actively involved in shaping engagement programs that will be far-reaching and impactful!
Not to mention all the crazy amounts of food available....I am still so full!!!
I guess that is what summers are for? I am not going to complain. These past 3 days have been really awesome in both networking and presentations at the the conference.
I was there with my supervisor, Mrs. Anderson and we presented on Evaluating Service Learning which went really well and I mainly covered the data management dealing with the database design, our current implementation and my dream implementation, but also the problems that follow along with that. I also spoke on information retrieval and the types of information to gather for service learning impact research. I am by no means an expert in that area, but I am packed with ideas and have done a few things related!
I also learned some cool stuff happening at different schools: NC State has some really cool training that focuses on 'Servant Leadership' which was accompanied by a good video called, "Mama D"...Duke University's Kenan Institute for Ethics has a neat research service-learning class that has 3 stages, mainly 1>gateway course 2>focus/research3>capstone/poster
There were many other great institutions represented, including UNC Greensboro, ECU, Elon(of course), UNC Chapel Hill, Mars Hill, Winston Salem State, Central Piedmont Community College, Guilford College, Meredith, Peace...ahh..the list goes on, but its invigorating to know all of these schoools (via Campus Compact) are staying actively involved in shaping engagement programs that will be far-reaching and impactful!
Not to mention all the crazy amounts of food available....I am still so full!!!
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Blogging about blogging!
Here I go again.
I don't know if its because my night has been idle and I just randomly
read sites I am interested in, but I am really starting to get excited
about podcasting and its potential uses. I know Brian Russell did not
invent Podcasting, but I have been listening to his Podcasts on his
site http://www.audioactivism.org and it is really cool!
There is an upcoming international conference on Podcasting at
http://www.podcastercon.org at UNC Chapel Hill which you should check
out if you want to learn more about attending and again, please visit
http://www.audioactivism.org for more about podcasting and its uses.
I personally, now that I've seen the site, am interested in helping
out with the conference and possibly trying my hand at the design
contest for the logo/banners for the conference!
I'm pumped! This upcoming week I will be in Black Mountain, NC at NC
Campus Compact's Community Service/Service Learning Director's
Conference. I went their recently because I took some college
students there on spring break, but didnt really get to hike and
explore some of the terrain. There, I will be helping to present some
technology items in data management and the current database
implementation for where I work. It will be fun and I will also get
to reconnect with my fellow NC Campus Compact VISTAs, Todd Mortensen,
Amanda Ross, and Rebecca Cole, and also Winter Brown, our VISTA leader
and John Barnhill our executive director (My Boss)...they are all
great and super people with vision.
Tomorrow though, since I am at the beach, I am going to check out the
waves and see if I can get a surf session in...(doubt because of calm
weather)...ahh, to be home!
Anyways, have a wonderful weekend/week....I know I will!!!
Calvin
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Bogging, Podcasting, Oh My!! My RTPnet Conference Experience.
Well, I have to say that I have had a really good time this past Friday!
I went to the Annual RTPnet conference on community technology and truely took a lot from it. I met some really cool people, notably Brian Russel and Ruby Sinreich who are 2 very passionate people about community technology and also blogging/podcasting. To me, this phenomenon is very very cool and innovative as well. As an avid open source explorer/supporter, I find that blogging and podcasting to be a very powerful tool to get things done and also to keep up to date on many things via RSS (Real Simple Syndication). I definitely will start to try and utilize blogging/podcasting as a tool in my social betterment efforts.
I also met some other VISTAs (Volunteers in Service To America) that, I am sure, will be valuable assets to me in the future as far as collaboration, insight, and friendship. Ben of Public Allies and Melissa from National Student Partnerships!
I got some pointers on technology assessments and just got to meet many people who's main focus is technology. Until now, I found it hard to really talk about technology without obligatory explanations and navigating through explaining what I mean, instead, I got to convey my excitement and relate to other technology support/trainers on a 'glad-to-know-im-not-alone' basis.
So if any of you guys read this blog, thanks for meeting me and I look forward to learning, doing more cool innovative things!
Also, thanks to Damita Chambers of RTPnet and Laura of the Duke Univ. Certificate in Nonprofit management for 'hooking me up'!!!!!
calvin
I went to the Annual RTPnet conference on community technology and truely took a lot from it. I met some really cool people, notably Brian Russel and Ruby Sinreich who are 2 very passionate people about community technology and also blogging/podcasting. To me, this phenomenon is very very cool and innovative as well. As an avid open source explorer/supporter, I find that blogging and podcasting to be a very powerful tool to get things done and also to keep up to date on many things via RSS (Real Simple Syndication). I definitely will start to try and utilize blogging/podcasting as a tool in my social betterment efforts.
I also met some other VISTAs (Volunteers in Service To America) that, I am sure, will be valuable assets to me in the future as far as collaboration, insight, and friendship. Ben of Public Allies and Melissa from National Student Partnerships!
I got some pointers on technology assessments and just got to meet many people who's main focus is technology. Until now, I found it hard to really talk about technology without obligatory explanations and navigating through explaining what I mean, instead, I got to convey my excitement and relate to other technology support/trainers on a 'glad-to-know-im-not-alone' basis.
So if any of you guys read this blog, thanks for meeting me and I look forward to learning, doing more cool innovative things!
Also, thanks to Damita Chambers of RTPnet and Laura of the Duke Univ. Certificate in Nonprofit management for 'hooking me up'!!!!!
calvin
Monday, May 16, 2005
Relationships!
hello all!
Well today I finally got to look at the database with its relationships...and its crazy that the actually queries work without taking 10 minutes to print the info on the screen. they are not really that organized and they do not really have any systematic data organization. How in the world does it work? Although, I have to admit that I felt all fuzzy inside when I actually reorganized the tables to look like they has form of order.
I feel good today, and hopefully tomorrow I will feel the same. We have our obligatory staff meeting tomorrow and I hope it turns out okay, but I have been making huge progress with volunteer recruitment.
I am starting to get professionals in their field. 2 in particular are experts in Oracle databases and one has a Ph.D. Its so awesome that I can work with them and orchestrate my mind's whim. I am a firm advocate in human potential and when approached right, you can motivate anyone to achieve what was thought not possible. So its great, things are great...now I just have to get a trash can for my apartment and a refigerator for that matter.
talk to ya later!
Calvin
Well today I finally got to look at the database with its relationships...and its crazy that the actually queries work without taking 10 minutes to print the info on the screen. they are not really that organized and they do not really have any systematic data organization. How in the world does it work? Although, I have to admit that I felt all fuzzy inside when I actually reorganized the tables to look like they has form of order.
I feel good today, and hopefully tomorrow I will feel the same. We have our obligatory staff meeting tomorrow and I hope it turns out okay, but I have been making huge progress with volunteer recruitment.
I am starting to get professionals in their field. 2 in particular are experts in Oracle databases and one has a Ph.D. Its so awesome that I can work with them and orchestrate my mind's whim. I am a firm advocate in human potential and when approached right, you can motivate anyone to achieve what was thought not possible. So its great, things are great...now I just have to get a trash can for my apartment and a refigerator for that matter.
talk to ya later!
Calvin
Friday, May 13, 2005
Sleep early, wake up early
Yo peeps, hello everyone, hola ustedes!
Yep, i keep doing it...waking up at like 3am or 4am because i fall asleep at like 7pm or 6pm. This past week has been pretty draining for me with work i guess. That retreat earlier in the week really sucked the life out of me! But now that I am on the cusp of the weekend, my spirits are lifted.
Yesterday I volunteered all morning, picking up trash in this elderly's backyard, then spent the rest of the day trying to develop this course for database design. It seems like i never make any progress on it though because I always get distracted.
I've spent my early morning just waking up, but by the time i head off to work, I probably will be sleepy.
So here I am writing.
530am...
I suppose I could be doing work, but I'd rather not and save that fun for the daylight.
Its been a good week though...just busy...Ill write more later
calvin
Yep, i keep doing it...waking up at like 3am or 4am because i fall asleep at like 7pm or 6pm. This past week has been pretty draining for me with work i guess. That retreat earlier in the week really sucked the life out of me! But now that I am on the cusp of the weekend, my spirits are lifted.
Yesterday I volunteered all morning, picking up trash in this elderly's backyard, then spent the rest of the day trying to develop this course for database design. It seems like i never make any progress on it though because I always get distracted.
I've spent my early morning just waking up, but by the time i head off to work, I probably will be sleepy.
So here I am writing.
530am...
I suppose I could be doing work, but I'd rather not and save that fun for the daylight.
Its been a good week though...just busy...Ill write more later
calvin
Thursday, May 12, 2005
All Consuming Raw...A Poem
Well, tonight I was going through some of my old poems, and I wanted to share this one because it moves me to this day with the things I've felt and the visceral feeling that still sometimes resonates today...so here it is, All Consuming Raw.
Listen to my heartbeat dripping
Bellowing, purging elastic glaze
The ebb and flow of blood, so pure
Yet filled, saturated, but unfulfilled
Apropos of nothing, but something
Cool containment contaminated
Paradoxical whisper says
What did you say?
It feels like what?
Frustration to the point of reality
Piercing the pincushion of ambiguity
Listen to the soulbeat pounding
Demanding the direction of adversity
Playing the rhythm of love
Raging rush, fleeting flush
Gravitational withdrawal
Spinning in squares, raising hairs
Momentary eternity fills the bubble of law
Give me consignment coopportunity
The secret recipe for desire
Holds a plethora of ways
To satiate the eminent coming
Of many clouded delayed, viscous days
Truncated idea explodes my song
Inward out my calling card
A truth of numb, ring, ring
Feel the pain, do it again
And pick up the phone for me
Hold on to the bill of foresight
Bruises pang, bruises blue
But my steadfast yearning still holds true
Buckle that belt of what you felt
Because it must belong to you
Give the tingling some circulation
Sickle cell, cast that spell
Anemic intuition?
Fill the void but don’t avoid
Your tempestuous ambition
Scarlet fever favors me
Velvet, fuzzy rant
Run about, crazy clout
It puts me in a trance
Meaningful life to speak so raw
With flavorful dessert
One day may I have a chance
For this romance
To see it in its splendor
But for now I must show how
To dance with my feet bended.
Listen to my heartbeat dripping
Bellowing, purging elastic glaze
The ebb and flow of blood, so pure
Yet filled, saturated, but unfulfilled
Apropos of nothing, but something
Cool containment contaminated
Paradoxical whisper says
What did you say?
It feels like what?
Frustration to the point of reality
Piercing the pincushion of ambiguity
Listen to the soulbeat pounding
Demanding the direction of adversity
Playing the rhythm of love
Raging rush, fleeting flush
Gravitational withdrawal
Spinning in squares, raising hairs
Momentary eternity fills the bubble of law
Give me consignment coopportunity
The secret recipe for desire
Holds a plethora of ways
To satiate the eminent coming
Of many clouded delayed, viscous days
Truncated idea explodes my song
Inward out my calling card
A truth of numb, ring, ring
Feel the pain, do it again
And pick up the phone for me
Hold on to the bill of foresight
Bruises pang, bruises blue
But my steadfast yearning still holds true
Buckle that belt of what you felt
Because it must belong to you
Give the tingling some circulation
Sickle cell, cast that spell
Anemic intuition?
Fill the void but don’t avoid
Your tempestuous ambition
Scarlet fever favors me
Velvet, fuzzy rant
Run about, crazy clout
It puts me in a trance
Meaningful life to speak so raw
With flavorful dessert
One day may I have a chance
For this romance
To see it in its splendor
But for now I must show how
To dance with my feet bended.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Staff Retreat!!!
Hi, whomever reads this blog...not sure who.
I am its late here, but I just wanted to put a blip out there on how much I hate the staff retreat I am at right now! It completely sucks! Nothing really productive is coming out of it and my advisor thinks she knows everything about technology and she has these guests that come in from the university that I would like to share things with, but she doesnt let me talk...and she pretty much is erasing everything I have been working on thus far by saying shit that she knows nothing about!!! Ahhh...the pain of being silent, the pain of being frustrated! I would like my job a hell of a lot more if my supervisor was actually doing her job instead of always talking about herself and her slant on things and not stressing all her staff all of the time.
In lighter news, my volunteer postings are starting to bear fruit. I have a referral from volunteer match and there are students interested in service at NCCU! Yippee, now i just ahve to have stuff for them to do.
Its the good part of my job. The bad part probably is better left unsaid. Lets just say i feel a lot of rage and anger towards my advisor. Thats hard for me to do, to have that sort of emotional disdain for a person.
Anyways, enough venting for now...maybe this retreat will be better tomorrow...lets hope so for my sanity.
Calvin
I am its late here, but I just wanted to put a blip out there on how much I hate the staff retreat I am at right now! It completely sucks! Nothing really productive is coming out of it and my advisor thinks she knows everything about technology and she has these guests that come in from the university that I would like to share things with, but she doesnt let me talk...and she pretty much is erasing everything I have been working on thus far by saying shit that she knows nothing about!!! Ahhh...the pain of being silent, the pain of being frustrated! I would like my job a hell of a lot more if my supervisor was actually doing her job instead of always talking about herself and her slant on things and not stressing all her staff all of the time.
In lighter news, my volunteer postings are starting to bear fruit. I have a referral from volunteer match and there are students interested in service at NCCU! Yippee, now i just ahve to have stuff for them to do.
Its the good part of my job. The bad part probably is better left unsaid. Lets just say i feel a lot of rage and anger towards my advisor. Thats hard for me to do, to have that sort of emotional disdain for a person.
Anyways, enough venting for now...maybe this retreat will be better tomorrow...lets hope so for my sanity.
Calvin
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Party like crazy!
Hello everyone!
Well its the end of a crazy weekend! One of my good friends, Koji, came down from Detroit to hang out for the last couple of days (last wednesday night) till today. i just dropped him off at the airport. We went to UNC Pembroke, where we both graduated had dinner with Abdul, our old advisor, toured his big ass house, visited with many friends...then we partied till the wee hours on friday night..., then we came back to durham visited with another friend, Carolyn....ahhh went by so fast, tomorrow work again, fun, but work.
Well its the end of a crazy weekend! One of my good friends, Koji, came down from Detroit to hang out for the last couple of days (last wednesday night) till today. i just dropped him off at the airport. We went to UNC Pembroke, where we both graduated had dinner with Abdul, our old advisor, toured his big ass house, visited with many friends...then we partied till the wee hours on friday night..., then we came back to durham visited with another friend, Carolyn....ahhh went by so fast, tomorrow work again, fun, but work.
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